I don’t really know where to turn to and i feel kind of dumb its on Yahoo Answers but i feel like i REALLY need help. This is long, so unless you are extremely bored i wouldn’t read it.

To try and sum this up: I am 17 years old and i am graduating high school this year, (not with the best grades, GPA: 2.4) and i was planning on taking a gap year and leaving the USA to go live in South America to do volunteer work (like i had planned for for quite some time) until recently i was with my extended family and they said how dumb and stupid it was so my parents went back on there word, and now im left with nothing to do after highschool. This is basically the least of my problems right now.
As i grew up i had a really good childhood. I grew up in an upper class suburb of Detriot and it seemed like i had the best family in the world. We were all so close, i would’ve rather chose to be with them over friends, such. My parents really did their best But as the years went by things started to change and there were a few bumps in the road. Firstly i lost my second mother, my nanny. She was pretty young and her and her mom would babysit us from when i was born until i was about 8. She started to turn to drugs and wouldn’t show up. I would spend mornings in my room crying when she didn’t come. It was really hard for me. After that i started to rebel when my parents would hire other people to come and watch us, i would behave really bad, and i just wouldn’t let anyone else come and watch us. Although this may have been a selfish act, i was so young i just didn’t know what was going on. As cliche as it sounds, I started to hate myself at such an innocent age and brought it upon that it was my fault. It was then that i started to realize that i would kind of be the outcast of the family, since it affected me in such a different way.
After that things were okay for awhile. I went on with my life until i was in about 7th grade when my whole world basically changed. My parents announced they would be having another kid. I was already in the middle with my older sister being 15 and my younger being 9. When my little sister was born, yes things were obviously going to change, but i just still didn’t get the impact. Once again time went by until about a year later. My older sister was in highschool and i was still really innocent. I was taught in school that drinking was VERY bad and drugs were never acceptable. My parents were social drinkers so i was used to that but i knew you shouldn’t be drinking unless you were older then 21. I found out from one of my good friends older siblings, that my sister was infact a huge partier and smoked weed. At first i was really really hurt, i had asked her about these things and she told me that she didn’t, and it wasn’t cool to do that and blah blah blah. Besides the fact, another cliche thing, if my older sister did it, then i could.
Also inbetween some of this i had a next door neighbor the same age. We were best friends but she also turned to drugs in highschool. (herion)
So yeah i started highschool in the popular scene of drinking and such. I started to fade out of my family more and more as years went by. When i was a sophomore i took a little break from this life and started to focus on school. I made the honor roll, and whatever, but when this was happening i started to loose all of my friends, since i did live a different lifestyle. I have depression and it really started to take affect more then before. I started having sucide thoughts and such, and the whole time my parents denyed it. My mom started to suffer with being an alchohalic and my dad was constintly working. This meaning i had to start watching my little sister a lot more.
So at about my junior year i found a new group of friends. I basicallty said fuck school. And i started to smoke a lot of weed. At first this made everything about 100x worse. The whole year i was depressed and lied to my parents and had a horrible all around family realashonship. They would ground me, restricting me from everything, which in my case caused me to rebel harder. As the summer came things just got worse and worse.
We live in another town in the summer in northern michigan as i have my whole life. For about 3/4 of the summer it continued. I went to work at my camp for two weeks and the day i returned home, it was basically the straw that broke the camels back (pt1) i got in a huge fight with my parents and left, and then it happened again about two months later. After the second time, I went through a period of enlightment. (as i like to call it)
I woke up and realized one morning that i was finally over with my high school depression (who knows when/if it will come back) When i was still a junior I had been called by a school official as a “self medictor” behind my back. When i went through my enlightment i realized that i love weed. And if i don’t smoke it th
Also, i have no intention of going to rehab or anything… im addicted to weed not coke. i don’t see anything wrong with it because like i said i believe it makes me a better person.
I live in Michigan where the drug is LEGAL, maybe not to everybody, but i fully plan on getting a card when i turn 18. Although currently, the law in Michigan states that you can not get a card for depression. I am already a big activist on the issue.
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